Meditation in Modernity

If I had to choose my two greatest character flaws, my inability to focus and to follow through on things would be second only to my well-documented shyness. It's this lack of attention span that gives way to my talent for multi-tasking, but I can think of at least five articles I've read in the last month that all call out multi-tasking for what it really is: a certain lack of efficiency in getting things done one at a time.

This was the excuse that I gave myself when I decided to buy an iPad instead of the more pratical (and yes, if we're honest, more expensive) laptop: "You'll only be able †ø concentrate on one thing at a time, and it will be good for you."

I'm famous for sitting down at the computer and starting to write a sentence, only to remember that I need to add something to a Freshdirect order before I forget. And then, while I'm there, I should check out my favorite food blogs to see if I want to add ingredients for new recipes I'd like to cook. And then I remember I need to check out a digital retailer I'd forgotten to look at at the office, and I download all the songs I discovered on Hype Machine throughout the day and start making a mix CD to herald the oncome of a new season.

Then it's time for bed and I've written a sentence.

This routine - and appropriate variations thereof - has marked my working style for as long as I can remember, which is to say that at any given moment, I'm probably doing three or four things. None of those things, however, will be the thing I actually want to be doing.

I've lapsed in blog posts recently not because I've had little to say; on the contrary, I haven't had the time to say it because I've been involved in doing. I just moved into a new apartment, I just bought a new bike, and I'm settling into new routines. Through all of this, my iPad is a source I turn to for very specific things: when I need to look something up, I fire up the Safari app. When I need to relax, Netflix or a new issue of an iPad magazine app (oh don't worry, I'll get to my opinions on those later!) help lull me to mindlessness or sleep. When my cleaning needs a soundtrack, the Pandora window is open. When I'm baking, I pull up a favorite blog (usually Smitten Kitchen!), prop the iPad on its stand on my kitchen counter, and follow along with the recipe online.

While my instant messenger program can be open alongside other apps, it rarely is (and I can't see the window unless I go directly to the app.) When I want to watch a movie, it's the only thing I can do - if I think of something I wanted to look up in the middle of it, it requires an actual break in the film to do so. It is more trouble for me to stop in the middle of this blog post and open two new windows and flit back and forth than it is to simply finish this blog post.

Brilliantly, amazingly, this strategy seems to work. While it's not much, I have an introduction to and outline for a writing project I've wanted to begin for literally years. I've been returning emails with greater efficiency because I only open the Gmail app specifically to send those emails. I feel like I'm a more thorough reader of articles because I don't read two or three at a time anymore, and in my quest to find apps that help organize and augment my digital life, I'm quick to recognize and delete those that don't.

The weirdest part is that it's translating into the rest of my life. I moved into that new apartment and cleaned it with surprising devotion. Instead of putting it off for weeks, I bought the bike right away and rode it for the first time that afternoon, scheduling my time to ride when I know I'll have a couple of hours. I text my friends when making plans instead of half-assedly IMing them for no reason when I'm putting off multiple chores.

Most importantly, I put the iPad away when I'm not using it because I'm spending a lot of time living my life. It's a pretty big deal for someone who's never been able to concentrate.